Loosing Yourself to Motherhood

Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest…it seems that whichever social media account I open this past week has been full of posts, written by mothers, about how miserable and stiffling motherhood can be. Posts filled with regrets over how many other things they could be doing if they weren’t shackled to endless dish scrubbing and butt wiping. Posts full of phrases like, “I love my kids, but I’m ready to live my life” and, “loosing yourself to your children” . It’s heartbreaking.

Now don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with a good vent! Ask me how I feel about constantly needing to play referee between my kids, or being required to stop whatever I’m doing to prepare lunch every.single.day 🙃 The need to vent isn’t the issue.

What makes me so sad is the fact that all these women are completely missing the fact that their motherhood is such a beautiful privilege. To be entrusted with 1, 3 or 10 little souls to watch over and nurture is the most incredible gift in the world. Butt-wiping, for example, might not feel like a privilege (especially if you’re one of those lucky mums with 10+ butts to wipe), but to be able to serve a child, to fulfill a basic human need, is a privilege.

Do I miss who I was before I had kids? Sure, I miss the lack of time restraints, the ability to go where I want, when I want. I miss my figure and my sleep. Do I miss the person I was, though? No, not really. Pre-kids-Kayla wasn’t a bad person, but motherhood-Kayla is much more gentle, patient and compassionate. Motherhood-Kayla still has a looong way to go, let’s be real here, but she’s on a much better path than her predecessor.

You don’t “loose” yourself after having children. You grow. You are given the opportunity to truly find yourself. You might miss who you were before kids, but maybe you’re not giving yourself the chance to discover how great a woman you can be with them?

You live your life now, the life that’s been gifted to you. You don’t live it for yourself, but for those around you. You live it for the souls of your husband and children that are under your watch, that are your responsibility to get to Heaven. You live your life to get yourself to Heaven, too, and sometimes the only way there is through the humbling task of butt-wiping.

If you feel like you’re “loosing yourself” to motherhood, stop fighting it. Lean in. Embrace it hard. There’s a better you in there if you can reach in and let her out.

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